Wakefield is one big family and the staff is always here for you for matter what. Need help with Senior Project? Ms. Labella has got you covered. College, internships and scholarships? Mr Clisham is your guy! Zombie apocalypse survival plan? As it turns out, check that off the list, too! Wakefield High School, are you zombie-ready?

In the event of an apocalypse, the first thing you’d want is a group, you know, the more the merrier in such situations. Our very own Director of Student Activities Ms. Deskins advised that the student body working as a team to survive would be the most efficient way to go. Students agree with Ms. Deskins; “A big group- really big group, or else I would miss everybody I know’ said junior Eyerusalem Meaza. Other people thought it’s better to be around only a small group that you trust; ”More people=more zombies, less food, less water. Less people=less zombies” said Assistant Principal Dr. Legagneur. The other option? Prove yourself to be a lone man of nature and head somewhere secluded like Minority Achievement Coordinator Mr. Beitler said to do.

Okay, so you either found your group of friends, family, teachers, or a random crowd you met on the road (not recommended…STRANGER DANGER!!!!) or are trailing around in the woods behind Wakefield. What’s next? Weapons.

The only way to get rid of a zombie is to completely smash in their skull. This can be difficult because it’s not wise to let the infected bodily fluids anywhere near you. Well, Wakefield, don’t fear. ”Anything could be a weapon,” veteran English teacher, and zombie enthusiast, Mr. Lutz said with a smile. ”A chair-leg, a dictionary […] that’s why I [suggest] you go to the gym because you can find bats, sticks…” Don’t forget about the Art Room! You better start taking Art and getting on Ms. Dunn’s good side; she’s the one with the wooden mallets and X-Acto knives. Give me an S for Supplies!

The next thing on our zombie-apocalypse-survival-necessities-list (Or… #ZASNL?) is to find a place to settle in to get all warm and cozy. It can be difficult to be warm and cozy when your mailman is trying to snack on your face; try your best.

Avoid usually-crowded places like malls or grocery stores (too many glass windows…too many entrances.) ”A very enclosed area with a big rooftop” is where junior William Ramirez (*hint hint* Wakefield campus) will be. Dr. Legagneur has tons of ideas for safe houses inside the school; ‘the [cafeteria]… ooh and the PTA room, and the concession stand! Those three areas; I’m getting at least chips, we’re feeding on some Doritos. The shop room has some wooden stuff, make some [more] weapons in the shop room.”

Many of us think that people rising from the dead and attacking humans is pretty unlikely. The Walking Dead is nothing but fiction; not only does the Governor’s shooting ability in season 3 defy his visual impairment, everyone seems to have glistening white teeth. (We assume a real life zombie apocalypse would make people too busy for oral hygiene.) It’s ”just a show”, right?

Well, wrong. According to scientists in the UK, mind control parasites affect 40% of the population. Toxoplasma Gondii was originally found in cats but it also finds its way into humans and controls their behavior. Contrary to popular belief, the zombie apocalypse is a scientific phenomenon, no mumbo-jumbo about it.

Alright #warriornation, let’s review how to survive: be with a group you trust, a safe shelter, non perishable food (canned), water, first-aid supplies, and a weapon that’s at least 14 inches long. (Never EVER fight a zombie with your hands.)

USE YOUR BRAIN or else they will.