I’ve heard some pretty preposterous things in my 18 years but I have NEVER heard something as ridiculous as the claim that apple is better than pumpkin. What is this barbarity!?

Pumpkin is the epitome of fall.  For starters, no one puts apples leading up to their front door on their porch steps. Why? Because apples rot quickly, and are gross. “But pumpkins rot, too!” Granted, but pumpkins (in their true non-carved form) take much longer to rot than an untouched apple. Let’s look at the facts: an untouched apple takes 2-4 weeks to rot while an untouched pumpkin takes 8-10 weeks. You could have your pumpkin on your front porch for over two months while your hideous apples would be stinking your house up in half that time.

Sure, you can’t just eat a raw pumpkin, but who needs to!? Halloween pumpkins provide delicious food for the neighborhood squirrels as well as a spooky scare for the young children. The structure of a pumpkin is one of its greatest assets. Pumpkins can be hollowed out to create a jack-o-lantern; try doing that with an apple.

Not to mention:

pumpkin pie, pumpkin butter, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin soup, pumpkin bagels, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pancake and waffle mix, pumpkin macaroons, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin biscottis, pumpkin spice chai tea, pumpkin toaster pastries, pumpkin spice gum, pumpkin fritters, pumpkin donuts, pumpkin custard, kaddu ki sabzi, the list goes on and on and on.

How can we forget about pumpkin seeds. Pumpkin seeds are delicious roasted, and make a fantastic snack for everyone. What are apple seeds? Full of arsenic. Case closed.

Your move, apple.