It starts when I know I’m alone.

Not the kind of alone when you’re in a dark room in the middle of the night. The alone when my mother is sitting on her phone watching some show, when my boyfriend is sleeping by my side.

I know I’m alone when all of my friends forget to answer me. The hate that screams in my head telling me that my boyfriend doesn’t love me.

Too fat

Chest too big

Butt too small

Stretch marks too ugly

The monster comes out and makes me scream. Just leave me alone.

They tell me no one loves me, and no one ever will. Just leave me alone.

That’s when I’m alone.

That’s when it starts.

That’s when I break.